IRS Audit

February 21, 2009 on 9:09 am | In My Imagination | Comments Off

Here is something to tickle the funny bone.  :-D

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Grandpa shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explained by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.” “I’m a great gambler and I can prove it, “says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and says, Okay. Go ahead.” Grandpa says, I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes that he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. “Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between. The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy can possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants. Although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditors desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head into his hands. “Are you okay?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it.”

Wordless Wednesday – Our Puggle

February 11, 2009 on 9:36 am | In Some of This Some of That | 3 Comments

puggle puppy

James Whitmore Dies at Age 87

February 7, 2009 on 8:54 am | In Entertainment | 1 Comment

World War II Marine Corps veteran and actor James Whitmore has passed away at age 87.  The cause of death was lung cancer which he had only been diagnosed with in mid November.

James Whitmore began an acting career on Broadway and won his first Tony in 1948 for Outstanding Performance by a Newcomer for his role in “Command Decision”.  He went on to Hollywood where he won an Academy Award for his portrayel of a tobacco-chewing Army sargeant in the 1949 World War II drama, “Battleground”.  He has a long list of movies in which he has appeared, many of them are old favorites.  They include, “Tora, Tora, Tora!”, “Planet of the Apes”, “Kiss Me Kate”, “Oklahoma” and “The Shawshank Redemption” to name just a few.

Mr. Whitmore also made many appearances on television including shows like “The Law and Mr. Jones” in the early 1960’s.  In 2000, he won the Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actor for his guest appearance on “The Practice” and then won the same award in 2003 for his role on “Mr. Sterling”.   Yet, with all of his award winning performances, many will remember him as the Miracle-Gro spokesman.  Remember all those commercials?

Mr. Whitmore is survived by his wife, 2 sons, eight grand-children and five great grand-children.

The Importance of Walking

February 3, 2009 on 9:27 pm | In Some of This Some of That | 2 Comments

I received the following in an email:

Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

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    My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where the hell he is.

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    I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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    The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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    I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing..

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    I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

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    Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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    I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

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    The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they’ll say, ‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’

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    If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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    I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,…… just getting over the hill.

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    We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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    AND

    Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

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