Mom vs. Dad

June 14, 2008 on 12:48 pm | In Family | 4 Comments

I took my daughter to pitching practice today so my husband could spend more time with my step-daughter and family.  They leave to go home to California tomorrow and I want him to be able to spend as much time as possible with them.  He usually takes our daughter to meet with her pitching coach, but I offered to step in today.

Our daughter has reached a point where she wasn’t enjoying pitching and was beginning to question her abilities, particularly as a pitcher.  She cringed whenever I would remind her of her scheduled pitching practice and always looked for excuses to cancel.  Today felt different.  She wasn’t really too happy about having to go, but was somewhat chatty on the drive over.

I sat and watched and the pitching coach was very complimentary and even surprised at how well she was throwing today.  I even saw my daughter smiling while she was working with him.  She seemed to be enjoying herself and she was pitching quite well, doing everything the coach told her to do.  She even threw a few curve balls that went right over the plate, exactly as they should, and the coach had just shown her that pitch minutes before.  He was thrilled, my daughter was happy and I felt everything was right with the world.

As we were leaving to head to the car, my daughter mentioned how she felt that she’d done a really good job today and that she hadn’t felt that way in a long time.  She commented that she never feels like she throws good enough for her dad and since he wasn’t there she felt more relaxed.  Interesting.

So, how to I talk to my husband about this?  I want him to continue to support her, but he can be very critical and, while he’s trying to provide constructive criticism, it can be interpreted as negative.   I think I’d like to see him working with her, but he needs to keep his mouth closed.  She knows what she needs to work on, she hears it from her coaches.  She needs him to just put his glove on and catch for her, not instruct her.  He needs to relax and then she will relax.  Now, how do I tell him this?

4 Comments

  1. Good luck. It was the same thing with my girls and hubby. In the end, he was too busy working and didn’t have time to practice with them anymore. Can you just flat out tell him? Or will he over react to that?

    When Eowyn started this whole moving out ordeal, I told hubby do NOT say anything bad. Do NOT get mad at her. Don’t make her feel like she can’t do it (even though that’s exactly what we think).

    I think dad’s don’t realize their helpfulness comes across negativley. I would catch for Leia when she was trying pitching, and finally she told me to just be quiet and catch. Apparently my mouth was going while I was catching. She knew what she had to do and didn’t need my help….but she couldn’t tell her dad that. So you might just have to step in and do it for your daughter….

    Sorry if I am rambling….I am fighting a headache and I can’t seem to make my point : ) It’s like the more the dad tries to help, the more the girls don’t want to hear it. He will have to lay off, or she won’t enjoy softball anymore. If she can’t tell him that, you will have to.

    Lynn K.’s last blog post..Weekend To-Do List

    Comment by Lynn K. — June 14, 2008 #

  2. Could you maybe suggest that he skip some of her games because she tries so hard to impress him that she gets nervous?

    feefifoto’s last blog post..Ducks with Ducktails! Who Knew?

    Comment by feefifoto — June 14, 2008 #

  3. Lynn – You’re so right! I did step in yesterday and told him he needs to relax and simply catch for her. The only time he was allowed to comment was if it was a compliment. I also told him she was excited and wanted to SHOW him her new pitch. That didn’t mean that wanted him to give her instruction or critique what she was doing.
    He did it and I know it was hard, but she was so happy. Now, if I can get him to stick with that protocol, all will be calm in my world! LOL

    Comment by Lynne — June 15, 2008 #

  4. He behaves well at her games, it’s what he says to her during practices and after games that annoys her. I just don’t think he realizes how negative he sounds. They had a much better day yesterday after I told him he wasn’t allowed to critique her, only compliment or say nothing at all!

    Comment by Lynne — June 15, 2008 #

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